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Olympic Fail — Right Hand Still Hasn’t Met Left Hand

U.S. viewers are forced to wait until 8 PM to view Olympic games that ended 9 hours earlier. Meanwhile, the web knows no time delay, and results are available instantly. NBC television is stuck in the 1980’s, as if no one gets any current information but from them. People are getting kicked off of Twitter for criticizing the network. And now…

parents can’t even watch their athlete sons and daughters at the venue.

London had years to prepare for this. Why have they fumbled?

NBC Television must have plenty of twenty and thirty something’s employed by the company. Didn’t anyone ask them about the wisdom of sequestering live game action? Sure, NBC has an iPad app for folks who want to watch in real time, but have you seen the app ratings? It barely garners one star in the app store. Users hate it. Not because you have to have a cable subscription to MSNBC or CNBC through your local provider. They hate it because it just plain sucks.

Oh well. Maybe Brazil will get it right.

Rippin’ Off Tom Petty

I hate stories like this. Yes, they are rich rock stars and they can afford to buy any instrument. Yes, most instrument makers are willing to give away equipment just to get the rock star to play it or get their picture taken with it. But what most people may not know is that most of the real artists out there, the ones that have paid their dues and have been around awhile, own one guitar, one bass, one drum kit, an amp, or even a mic that they wouldn’t give up for anything in the world. They record masterpiece rock songs with it. They tour with it. That one instrument is what makes their “sound”.

And then some idiot decides it’s a good idea to bust in and steal it.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers were rehearsing for an upcoming tour, and some low life broke into a sound stage and stole 5 guitars. Not just any guitars either.

Last Thursday, someone got into the studio in Culver City and made off with two of Mr. Petty’s prized instruments – a 1967 12-string Rickenbacker electric and a 1965 Gibson electric. Also missing were three other rare guitars belonging to the bassist Ron Blair, the rhythm guitarist Scott Thurston and the lead guitarist Mike Campbell.

To the guy who is sitting in his apartment right now strumming away on the guitar that helped Tom write “Breakdown” and “American Girl”. Watch your back.

A reward is offered for the safe return of the gear.

Update: The guitars are recovered!

Stephen Hawking: Genius?

I’m trying to remember why everyone thinks this guy is so darn smart.

Aliens almost certainly exist but humans should avoid making contact, Professor Stephen Hawking has warned.

In a series for the Discovery Channel the renowned astrophysicist said it was "perfectly rational" to assume intelligent life exists elsewhere.

But he warned that aliens might simply raid Earth for resources, then move on.

"If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn’t turn out well for the Native Americans," he said.

Prof Hawking thinks that, rather than actively trying to communicate with extra-terrestrials, humans should do everything possible to avoid contact.

He explained: "We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet."

You know, he might be right. Trying to contact aliens might be dangerous. I mean, look what it did for this guy…

dreyfus-without-the-mashed-potatoes

And this guy too! Oooh…scary.

ET

Kim Jong Il: Please pay attention to me

Like clockwork, the North Korean regime sends out another “invade us and we’ll nuke you” threat. Same ol’ song and dance.

North Korea on Saturday warned it was prepared to use nuclear weapons if it was invaded by the US and South Korea. The official Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) carried the remarks by the North’s Joint Chief, General Ri Yong-Ho, during a national meeting on the eve of the birthday of the communist country’s armed forces. ”The revolutionary armed forces of the DPRK (North Korea) are fully ready to frustrate any provocation of the aggressors at a single blow,” Ri said. ”They will mobilise all means including the nuclear deterrent.

Theory: Kim reads the internet. He watches a lot of campy Hollywood DVD movies too but that’s beside the point. If he thinks the homeland isn’t getting enough press, he sends out out one of these little nuke rants. Presto, instant newsmaker. Works like a charm. One of the Sunday shows will have it, and it’ll probably play during the press gaggle at the White House on Monday too.

Yawn.

Go back to your lives, citizens.

Something’s Rotten in Argentina

UPDATE: Yep, I was right. Gov. Mark Sanford admitted to having a marital affair. What an idiot.

Previously…

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford resurfaced yesterday after mysteriously disappearing for seven days. His wife didn’t know where he was. His staff didn’t know, then did know, then didn’t know, then misled the press about it. What makes it even more strange is he missed Father’s Day.

I know one thing. If I just took off and didn’t tell my wife where I was going and it just happened to be Father’s Day weekend, all hell would break loose.

Yet, Sanfords staff and his wife spoke to the media about his disappearance with minimal emotion. Almost like a coordinated response. Weird.

Yesterday it was reported that Sanford went hiking along the Appalachian Trail. Well, at least that’s what the staff said. They lied. In fact, Sanford flew to Argentina, by himself, to “unwind”. And it appears that his staff new where he was all along, since someone called the governor to warn him that the media was on to his sudden absence and that he should get back to town before things really get out of control. Weird.

Instead of flying home to South Carolina, Sanford flew to Atlanta in hopes he could avoid the media throng who by this time were hiring their own people to search the globe for the governor. Much to Sanford’s dismay, he was found out. When confronted about his vanishing, he appeared dumbfounded that anyone would care. Weird.

Who do you think you’re fooling, Mark? You’ve either got a severe marriage problem or hidden substance abuse issues which involve blacking out and landing in foreign countries.

The point is, when you’re a public official, your every move is public. If you want privacy you should stay out of public service. If you are having marital problems you must face the fact that they will become public. If you don’t like that you should resign and then work on your issues in private. No politician should love the trappings of a public life and then demand privacy when life’s problems creep in. In this day and age, it’s impossible for the public to butt out. Your drive-by media will guarantee that.

So, we await a press conference from the governor today. We’ll either be told to mind our own business and this is much ado about nothing (more lies) or someone with a brain will tell the governor to come clean about whatever it is that’s messing up his family life. I’ll give you one guess as to which explanation we’ll hear.