Newsflash: Stupid People Get Polled Too

Good Lord.

More than a third of the American public suspects that federal officials assisted in the 9/11 terrorist attacks or took no action to stop them so the United States could go to war in the Middle East, according to a new Scripps Howard/Ohio University poll.

Thirty-six percent of respondents overall said it is “very likely” or “somewhat likely” that federal officials either participated in the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon or took no action to stop them “because they wanted the United States to go to war in the Middle East.”

“One out of three sounds high, but that may very well be right,” said Lee Hamilton, former vice chairman of the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States (also called the 9/11 Commission). His congressionally appointed investigation concluded that federal officials bungled their attempts to prevent, but did not participate in, the attacks by al-Qaida five years ago.

“A lot of people I’ve encountered believe the U.S. government was involved,” Hamilton said. “Many say the government planned the whole thing,” he said. “Of course, we don’t think the evidence leads that way at all.”

What I want to know is, were these people wearing tin foil hats at the time they answered the phone? And what about the copper in the phone lines?  Doesn’t it interact with the tin foil and basically create a big ol’ antenna that essentially beams a clearer signal to the U.S. Government (and occupants of interplanetary craft) which thereby allows them to put a better tracer on the location of said tin foil hat wearer? 

But if the tin foils were dressed as fairies wearing rubber boots, well then, maybe they were inoculated, virtually transparent and therefore protected from the evil brain wave sucking ray guns used by these sentinels? Yet if the rubber boots were made from a cheap formula, like the kind you might see on the store shelves of that wicked corporate slave driving puppet master Walmart, and the wearer was standing in a spot of pooling water on the kitchen floor in their deluxe double-wide, then maybe, just maybe…

I shudder at the thought.

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