Jennifer Aniston Diagnosed with Chronic Disease

Exhibit “A” – Jennifer Aniston.

Jennifer Aniston to Publish Her Intimate Diary

Jennifer Aniston reportedly plans to publish her intimate diary she kept during her agonizing split with husband Brad Pitt. Aniston wants to prove she is strong and truly “unsinkable” by describing her most private feelings on the collapse of her four-year marriage and Brad’s romance with Angelina Jolie.

Diagnosis – Patient suffers from an inferiority complex and paranoia.

According to some reports, Jennifer Aniston is afraid people will think she is weak, as she appeared crying and confused in an interview to Vanity Fair magazine.

Exhibit “B” – Denial; Patient does not admit she has a problem.

By publishing a diary Jennifer also hopes it will help women deal with infidelity and divorce.

Exhibit “C” – Patient is surrounded by enablers.

A friend told Britain’s Grazia magazine: “Jen’s kept a diary throughout her ordeal. Putting her out-of-control thoughts down on paper was a way to keep things from going haywire.

“She’s thinking about using her experiences to help other women with suddenly being dumped. Jen feels she’s coming across as weak. It’s not the image she wants.”

Recommended Course of Treatment – Get a life. Move on. Take a vacation. Stop it with this Brad obsession. Work. Keep making your millions. Stop listening to the suck-ups who are paid to be around you. Don’t be a victim. Don’t seek revenge. Don’t worry about who’s taking your picture and who isn’t. Don’t worry about not appearing on the cover of the latest magazine. You’re not on ‘Friends’ anymore…get over it. Stop hanging with Courtney and all the other ‘Friends’ stars. They need to move on too and you’re not helping each other. Don’t go all New Age and do the Kabbalah thing like Madonna.

Prognosis – Not good. Patient will not recover and will continue suffering from the disease due to an unwillingness to deal effectively with Exhibits B & C. Patient will eventually succumb to the disease, and by age 50 will be hosting Time Life infomercials on the USA Network and appearing in “Where Are They Now?” filler shows broadcast by TV Networks who have unexpected holes in programming.