Black Friday

If terrorists wanted to launch an attack on the United States, this would be the day.

Shoppers around the country are currently in a state of psychological stupor running from store to store grabbing merchandise off shelves. In some cases, they’re beating each other up.

Only in America can you find this form of mind control. It’s brilliant actually. Ala Pavlov, one can bring millions of people to their knees and it only takes a single word containing four letters.

S A L E

Hey, I believe in good ‘ol capitalism, and I love to see the cash register ring at my business, but that doesn’t mean that I’ll ever understand the effect this day has on people. The whole “day after Thanksgiving” shopping melee is a mystery to me. For the life of me, I don’t know why in the world would anyone want to wake up at four in the morning on the day after a holiday and line up at the local Wal-Mart People to buy the same low priced crap that you can get any other time of the year?

Want to know how insane this really is? Target made wake-up calls today to be sure shoppers were up in time to get ready and head to their stores. Wal-Mart had TWO MILLION customers in its first two hours of business. And why not? They had DVDs priced at $3.44 and new computers for $398.

Gimmicks and giveaways.

And you know what really gets me? Tomorrow, analysts will report lackluster sales and call the season dead, followed by a dozen news stories about how retailers are disappointed and depressed. Puhleeze.

As for me, I’m steering clear of any store today and celebrating my own version of Buy Nothing Day (minus the liberal psychobabble, of course).

UPDATE: Wal-Mart is happy.

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