Anna Nicole Gives Up Clubbing, PETA courtmartials the Colonel

Her air-headedness, Anna Nicole Smith, announced her outrage (albeit medicated) over Canadian seal hunts through PETA, though she cancelled a trip to Newfoundland to protest over safety concerns.A Newfie crime wave? The most recent yearly Canadian crime stats showed 933 violent crimes in the Newfoundland/Labrador province for 2003. Compare that to the bustling province of Nunavut’s 7943 violent crimes in 2003 and one has to wonder, what province is safer than N/L? Chances are the seals threatened to club her if she showed up.In a textbook vegan pincer move South from the Great White North, PETA has declared April “a month of action” against KFC. A site dedicated to forcing KFC to adopt more ‘humane’ treatment of tomorrow’s lunch called speaks of a secretly brokered deal using rap mogul Russell Simmons (of Def Comedy Jam fame) as the Henry Kissenger of the three piece meal. The deep fried detente gave KFC 30 days to change their ways. That’s a speedier cycle than how often they change their canola oil in the fryers.PETA’s original recipe rage turns extra crispy when viewing video of how the chickens are treated before they’re battered and fried.Growing up, my older sister tried to convince me to stop eating hot dogs by telling me how they’re made and what’s in them. I understand how a seal ‘hunt’ pitting sledgehammers vs. virtually limbless mammals for a fashionable fabric is outrageous. But as for hot dogs, KFC, veal, et al, I’m sorry, my taste buds are difficult to outrage.

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